Build bridges not walls.

RANTY WRITING AHEAD> Possible grammatical errors will exist.


As an activist, it burns my ass to see one group (or a person of a group) putting down another group for their choices.  Today, it hit me when I saw a post debating the merits of Poly v Swinging for “safe sex” reasons only. I found this disturbing and infuriating.  As a poly person, i am poly because Mono doesnt work for me.  Not because I want to have safe sex.  Swingers have safe sex too.

The posts went on a couple lines to imply that Swingers were less ethical in their relationships than Poly folks and being poly was somehow superior to being a swinger.  NEWS FLASH!!!  ITS NOT!  They are both part of the NonMonogamy umbrella. (ella ella -a-a)  Both have ethical and non ethical practioners, use consent and negotiation, and safe sex as foundations for responsible practice.  Swingers arent randomly going around hooking up with people at the drop of a hat.    Swingers are people just like us. They deserve the respect that we ask for for our relationship structures.

But its not just this instance.  I see this happening in the Poly community, mono, LGBTQIQ, and others.  If we are truly all wanting to be accepted for who we are and what we do, shouldn’t we accept each other?   Help each other up. Support the groups around us.  Sure we take the lead on our own stuff but if we see another group struggling or succeeding, should we not step up if we agree with their reasoning and stand with them in support?  And we should be able to ask other groups and people things and not fear being judged.  If we are being judgey, others will judge us.

So next time a friend comes to you you and says,  I have something to tell you, Im __________.  Support them.  If you are a community leader or activist support the organizations in your community.  They will support you in time. it may take a year, or two but they will see that you are building bridges and not walls. You are working for all not just your niche group of individual basket weavers for Underwater fire prevention to save the endangered sea snail.  OR what ever your group is.

All the work that people do building bridges can be destroyed by one comment or thread post. One sentence in the media.  As a declared member of any subgroup, what you say online and in public space can have a huge impact on peoples perceptions of that subgroup. Especially if that person or persons dont have context or a general understanding of the community as a whole.  So be mindful what you say. If you are a highly visible person in that subgroup then even more because your reach will effect more people.

If we as a people are going to ever be accepted as one then we need to start acting like it.  Build bridges not walls.


One thought on “Build bridges not walls.

  1. Amen to this. I see a lot of infighting in the LGBTQA-etc community as a whole and it worries me. If you can’t feel welcome in the community because you’re poly or asexual or whatever, then how can you ever feel welcome in the greater world? Infighting only harms ALL our causes, and gives those against us more ammo. Although I don’t know too much about the poly community, I can see why you would run into these kinds of issues, and I commiserate.

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