Road trip!

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Road trips can be fun and exciting.  They can also be great learning experiences for people in new relationships.  Not many things can tell you a lot about someone like spending hours in a car with them.  This goes for existing partners or new loves.

 

We went to Welcome to Rockville Festival in Jacksonville recently.  My first music festival ever and it melted my face.  I had the best time I’ve had in a long time.  There were over 40 different bands there and we saw about 19 of them I guess maybe more.  it was just pure awesome.  I think part of what helped me enjoy it so much was that I was there with all my loves.  The wife, our 5 year partner, my new(ish) girlfriend and 2 close friends.  It really helped me have a positive experience.

But how?  That’s a good question.  One of the ways is, I knew I had lots of support and love around me.  It helped give me the confidence to go do things I more than likely would not have done on my own. This being my first music festival (I know ok I’m 38 and this was my first…. I’m behind the times…..) it was reassuring to have those folks there for me should I need a safe place.  It was also great to experience it with people who shared the interest and could appreciate the music.  I was never alone unless I wanted to be.  I was able to go to things I may not have before just because peoples tastes are different.

Now on the the road trip part.  It was pretty neat because it was 2 different trips. The trip down was with me Melissa   (wife) and Lindsey (girlfriend) .  It was a nice ride and we enjoyed small conversations. Melissa slept most of the way having had a hard day at work.  We stopped and saw a Titan 1 Missle, stopped at the rest area. By the time Florida showed up we were punchy and tired from all the driving.  I will say that you learn a lot about someone on a road trip. and I am glad Lindsey went.

The trip home we added Jeremy our partner.  He had ridden down with other friends since he took the day off for his birthday. So, Jeremy and Lindsey got to chat a lot and we all got in some great conversations.  We laughed at the odd billboards and Jeremy would look up the websites and read excerpts that had us all laughing.  It was a really good time.  We stopped at a couple rest areas and pushed on home in a bit of a rush.

Overall the trip was a huge success both for us as a group and individuals.  I think we all grew and we have a better understanding now of who we all are.  If you get the chance to travel with your loves, do it.  Its eye opening and rewarding.

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One thought on “Road trip!

  1. Ok, I know, the girlfriend is responding to this blog post… “How original” would be my thought as the reader. However, since this post mentions me directly, I wanted to chime in and share my own thoughts on the experience and some of the important things that I learned along the way. I promise that there are some applicable poly relationship lessons buried in my lengthy comment here! Please stick with me!

    I agree with Billy that the experience was a positive one. However, given that I was in a uniquely different situation, I found it positive for other reasons.

    First of all, I will admit that I was terrified about this trip.

    I love music and I’m at metal/rock concerts at least once a month with my partner Brian, so the atmosphere was not alien to me. As a matter of fact, concerts and music festivals hold a very special place in my heart and are generally my favorite things in the world to attend!

    However, I was going to a different state with my “new-ish” boyfriend (btw, Billy, you’re only getting away with calling me “new-ish” until July and then there will be consequences, haha) and his family. I’d slowly gotten to know Melissa and Jeremy over the previous nine months of dating Billy and, like any poly relationship, there have been bumps in the road along the way. We were going to be sharing a single room with a single king bed for the four of us and, even though I consider them friends, I’m not romantically or sexually involved with either of Billy’s other partners. I had no idea what that would be like. Were things going to get awkward? Would I be able to retreat to a safe place if things got strained or I felt uncomfortable? I wasn’t driving and I would be dependent on Billy and his family to get around. What if I wanted to leave the festival early? I also have a food allergy in addition to being vegetarian so I was worried about getting food that wouldn’t make me sick. What if I got sick from eating the wrong food? I’d been to music festivals before but what if I wanted to see stuff that no one else did and I got left alone for most of the festival in a crowd of over 20k people? Etc, etc, etc. Essentially, I was overthinking everything (in my typical fashion). So, as you can see, agreeing to go was a huge leap of faith/trust on my part.

    In the end, I decided that I trusted Billy not to let anything horrible happen to me. I knew I could take care of myself. And I really wanted to go to this festival anyway since Brian doesn’t always share the same tastes in music as me and I might not have gotten another chance to experience some of these bands. (I HAD to see Korn… I listened to them in middle school and always said I would see them if I got a chance for nostalgia’s sake… Brian laughed at me… I mean he LAUGHED at me. What a music snob, haha.)

    And you know what? There WERE a couple of times that things got a little awkward for me or like I didn’t belong. But I quickly realized that I had to be self-sufficient and be responsible for my own happiness if I wanted to have a good time on this trip. I had to ask Billy for what I wanted or needed and take no as an answer sometimes. I had to accept and be ok with being on my own occasionally. I could’ve followed Billy and everyone else around like a dependent puppy but I wanted to see my own bands perform (my taste runs heavier than anyone else’s in the group and there were a number of times I wanted to see bands that no one else did). And I did just that! One of the best experiences of the weekend was when I saw Kyng perform on my own. I also got a chance to get to really get to talk B/M/J’s good friend “G” when Billy and his partners went shopping for merch in between sets. I got to wander around and see things on my own without anyone else hanging onto me or determining where I’d go and what I’d do. I had the chance to really get to chat with Jeremy and get to know him better. If I’d stayed glued to Billy’s side out of fear/anxiety (or whatever else) during that time, I would’ve had a miserable time and missed out on a lot of great opportunities.

    In short, I practiced skills that are essential to successful polyamory: taking responsibility for my own happiness, asking for what I wanted, and placing trust in those around me while also not placing the responsibility for my good time on them. I really feel that this trip allowed me the opportunity to grow and learn the people around me.

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