You Me Her. Ep 2 Can you be cool? Recap and review.

I’m doing the best I can at the recap, some things may be out of order but I think I got it mostly right.

Well,  Now, Emma has told Jack that she met Izzy…  Emma knows Jack met Izzy, Izzy met Jack as Fred… And now we meet Andy the guy that Izzy has been dating off and on..   Are you confused yet?  Yea Poly-cules get big fast if you aren’t careful (not that there is anything wrong with that) and people can get confused .  So let’s slow all this down and take it slow.

Ok so this week Jack and Emma both are fantasizing about Izzy while they are at work.  at one point Emma puts her phone on vibrate and sits on it while she self dials from her desk phone.  Pretty steamy. Only to be interrupted by an intern/delivery person (I’m guessing) and completely embarrases herself while awkwardly trying to conversate with them.
Meanwhile Jack , in his office at the school is realling in his chair fantasizing about Izzy climbing across his desk asking for a ” private session”  and undoing her top.   That’s when the Dean walks in,  and needs to have a “talk ” with Jack.  AWKWARD!  (I would associate these fantasies with NRE New Relationship energy, that extremely fun and fast time at the beginning of a relationship.  It is exciting and dangerous at the same time. See my post on NRE for more).
Later that day Emma and Jack discuss the need to see their therapist about Emma’s past lesbian activities because, ” It would be good to talk about it.  Get it all out in the open “GREAT ADVICE!  Because this could actually change the expectations for both of them as to the way the relationship with IZZY may develop if anything is going to go forward.  Having clear open communication is good.

Later Emma and her BFF are at Yoga. After Yoga they go for coffee/tea BFF starts asking questions . EMMA says “I feel like I am dangling my marriage out a 10 story window.”  Jack calls, has scheduled a therapy session in 30 mins see ya there…. Therapy they start talking about her past experiences…. However, the therapy session breaks down into a fight about her past and how she hasn’t told Jack about it before…. Jealousy and envy have reared their heads and Jack is alive with fear of what may happen if Emma falls in love with Izzy like she did the other lady (ladies we later learn).
Izzy has been ignoring the calls of Andy for quite sometime, (7 calls to be exact) she is feverishly cleaning her house after a night of binge drinking over self doubt and not wanting to be a sex worker any longer.  (I do not recommend this as a healthy response to a stressful situation.) Finally we see her and Andy meeting at a bar.  Andy says ” I think it’s about time you take me on a proper date Dinner, movie wine and dine me”.  Izzy, still in her outfit from cleaning the house says, ” Am I gonna get some? After all that you should put out”.  Andy,  “Girls like you like that right?”  WOAH!  #Andyisadouche Sex Worker Shaming.  I was literally disgusted by that comment from Andy,  he obviously doesn’t respect IZZY or understand that her personal life and her work life can be separate. Its a job and that doesn’t reflect on her as a person. ( It’s kind of like asking an artist to paint you a  picture, because “that’s what artists do”).   “When?” Izzy asked.  Andy … ” Right now. No time better than the present and you can’t blow me off this way”  WOW REALLY??!!! #andyisadouche .  Izzy explained she wanted to go change and clean up stating that she was       “foul”. They both agree to meet back at the bar in an hour.
Back to Emma and Jack…
Now at home discussing with much calmer heads the therapy session and their feelings about the whole thing.  It’s obvious that jealousy and envy are still in play, but they are able to manage it through some good dialogue and conversation.  Talking about experiences and sharing information without too many details.
Izzy and Andy …  Back at the bar Andy decides that now is the time to proclaim his everlasting love and  desire to commit. And laying down the law, Its now or never, He wants Izzy to be his everything, one and only.  I don’t think Izzy was too impressed by Andy, neither was I honestly.  #Andyisadouche
Jack and Emma….
Talking about stuff more and sharing their fantasies from earlier in the day.  Jack says, ” Are you thinking what I am thinking?” *Ding Dong* Doorbell …. Open the door and Izzy- “HI!” ….Roll Credits
A few things to highlight from this episode that I thought were good examples of responsible nonmongamy behaviors.

BUT first,  How did Izzy know where they lived?  Well,  a couple of escorts I have talked to say they learn as much about each client that they can so 1 they can relate to them, and 2 so if something goes south they know where to send the cops.  Background checks are even done in some cases.  So its possible that Izzy did this. It is also possible that they aren’t that shy and have all that info listed on social media. Anyway, it’s a question to ask, and maybe the show will explain it next week.

This episode shows the people working on a situation with a common goal.  It doesn’t appear that anyone has a need to be right, first, or most important.
It shows a healthy respect for the relationship they have with each other. Even though emotionally passionate, people discussing, being open, transparent and sharing emotions.  Not just going through the motions.  Jack was noticeably, physically, uncomfortable in the therapy session, and ya know what, it is hard to sit and listen to someone you love talk about loving another person in a similar way. But they respect and love each other enough to listen to each other…. but not that damn elevator music. 😀
Additionally,showing that it is ok to seek a mental health provider to be a go between, mediator, to help sort stuff out.  Addressing a bit of mental health stigma. While also addressing that a lot of problems in relationships are people problems.  And sometimes adding a person to the relationship, while it can be fun, can bring up things from the past that were never discussed changing one’s perception of their partner. This can be reality crushing to those involved (watch Jack’s reaction to Emma coming out with her “Lesbian adventures”).
They called out the Date for sex exchange system in our culture.  Showing that no one really owes anyone anything for having dinner and a date.  Especially not a lifelong commitment.

Ok now for why I think #Andyisadouche .
Andy personifies the stereotypical misogynistic male hero saving the woman from the horrible life of sex work. Asking her to chose to “be serious” and choose to be with him is just… EW. If he is ashamed to be dating a sex worker that is HIS problem. He should look into making better partner selections if that isn’t something he wants. But he shouldn’t be asking her to choose him over her work. Sex work is just that , WORK. Izzy can leave her work at the job just like anyone else. To assume that a sex worker is always “on the job” is ridiculous, unrealistic, and shaming to the industry.

From a polyamorist’s perspective, This episode was fun and realistic.  Again, I was confronted with things that had (and still have) happen in my life as an ethical non monogamist / Polyamorist .
I commend this show’s creators to accurately depict a couple falling into a polyamorous relationship. Clumsily like so many do. They haven’t read any books, they haven’t searched any websites or gone to meetups.  They are learning the hard way.  Like so many of us have. It isn’t always pretty, and fun. It is scary, hard, emotional, and challenges us to be our best self .  So far I think this show has shown that.  I look forward to more and the direction the show is going.

Well that’s it for me this week. Follow me on twitter @jackelxing follow the tags #Youmeher #wouldyoumeher! See ya next week!

2 thoughts on “You Me Her. Ep 2 Can you be cool? Recap and review.

  1. I’ve been looking for somewhere I could discuss this enticing and well-crafted show. Of course, now that I have found it, in true internet style, I’m going to disagree with the original writer.

    My disagreement is this: I don’t think that Andy is a douche. I don’t think that he was shaming Izzy for her sex work. I think he is either A: unaware of it or B: doesn’t care about it. His reaction to her has nothing to do with her work, it’s about her emotional unavailability. He’s upset because he has been putting himself out there for her as a boyfriend and she’s been saying “hey, yes, I’m interested in dating you” and then disappearing on him on more than one occasion. I think he’s supposed to be exactly as portrayed: a really great, handsome, stand-up guy, who honestly wants to make her feel good, but just has the incredibly bad luck to be the guy you date before you meet the person (or people) who change your life.

    When we first watched the episode, my wife was the one who pointed out that her entire manic behavior was because she was having undeniable feelings for Jack and Emma. That she is given pretty much the perfect situation for any “typical” woman her age: a good man, with a bright future and similar interests is more or less telling her “hey, I want this to be a Real Thing, and I want it with you”, and all she has to do is say yes. And that’s the thing: saying yes is easy. Saying yes is the choice that every character in every rom-com usually does. And yet, something inside compels her soul to track down and visit the married couple. That’s significant, and without the dangle of the genuine good guy as the counter-offer on the table, I think it loses its emotional weight.

    Of course, I could be totally wrong in how I’m reading what happened, so maybe I should just stop talking now.

    Looking forward to your review of episode 3!

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