You Me Her Ep 3 – No Penetration

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Picking up where we left off ….
Well atleast now we know how Izzy got their address.   She ran away from her date With Andy and “cyberstalked their address”  Very nice lead in to an increasingly awkward conversation.
A quick note about Andy,  It is possible I was to harsh on him.  After reading and learning more about Izzy’s character, as well as a commentator’s notes on their take away,  that situation could have all been just Izzy being to scared to commit to something at this time.  she is enjoying life and having fun.  Not ready to settle down. But she doesn’t know how to tell Andy that, and doesn’t want to hurt him, because he is a nice guy.

There are several minuets of stumbling conversation obviously all people in this are very nervous.  Id like to point out something about the way the show framed the people involved.  Jack and Emma are shown during this time almost joined at the hip. Standing as one, a couple, yet a unit….  While Izzy is shown, alone, moving around a lot, much like a free spirit, single.
Emma mentions she hasn’t done anything like this since college… then say, “omg I just used that line”  To which Jack responds, ” You said that to me” .  Hmmmm
In noticing how nervous she sounds in her own head, Izzy asks, ” Is my voice as shaky out loud?”
Emma and Jack decide its time for a relaxation and offer some wine..  Izzy goes to the wine rack and grabs the first 2 bottles she sees…  Jack and Emma stop her.  ” No NO NO Not that wine, thats for show.” They have a few glasses of wine but the nerves and tension are still there.  So Izzy decides to break out the weed as a relaxation helper.  And boy did that work… too well if you ask me.

As they are smoking and getting high,  they begin to talk about their actions in regards to each other. Emma and Jack talking about there masturbation sessions at work.  Then realizing how they may sound creepy, Emma stops and asks if Izzy is freaked out. (Awww checking on the emotional reaction) Izzy, “I’m way to self conscious to be upset, I am flattered that anyone would jack off to me. ” Laughs all around….  Then the look of  terror strikes Emma as she is faced with the reality that feelings are growing as she sees something in the way Jack looked at Izzy. (and maybe something about her own feelings?)
“So, we are all in agreeance that this is just a Business deal right?” Emma
Jack and Izzy agree.  Then Jack and Emma’s exchange is well  ……….businessy.
Emma and Jack begin to discuss how, what and when things will happen with Izzy.  However, they never once ask Izzy what she wants.  Izzy even calls them out for it at one point saying ” Thanks for remembering I’m in the room AND A HUMAN BEING”
A few more exchanges between Jack and Emma, as Izzy is gathering her things.  You can tell her feelings are hurt.  SHe is obviously emotionally impacted .  Then Emma says,  “we all agree this agreement is non Penetrative right?” Izzy, “Sure, what ever you want. But,  I will need to drop some regulars, so I have to charge you all a premium.  ANd I will need the month up front paid in full. Also, they sessions will be Monday through Thursday as Weekends are for NON PAYING relationships Only.  Clear? ”  Emma, confused, “yea” Izzy takes her weed and leaves.  Jack and Emma look very confused as to what just happened. Maybe its the weed…. but it doesn’t seem to click.  * I wish I had the video clips to add in here because it really makes the point better than I can with text*

So, I want to stop here for a moment and call this scene for what it is and applaud the show writers for making this happen.   Have you ever heard the term “Couple Privilege”?  Well, if not couple privilege exists when a couple places their terms, conditions, and expectations on a third person and doesn’t consult that person as to what they want, need, expect.  This scene was a FANTASTIC example of how couples exercise privilege.  Jack and Emma are using Izzy to better their marriage. They are discussing what they want as a unit to achieve through the use of Izzy.  They don’t check with her to see what she wants, they never ask about her feelings. Its almost as if they are in it for themselves. And the fact that when she gets up makes a huge scene about the situation they don’t react….  They aren’t connection the emotional side yet.  This happens VERY FREQUENTLY in early poly relationships involving couples, especially those that have been married or partnered for long periods of time.    I am REALLY happy they chose to put this in. (granted being stoned may have had something to do with their lack of response. but that’s another issue) /end rant/

The following day Jack and Emma are at a coffee shop and Emma mentions she thinks they were too businessy with Izzy and that they should be more careful.  Jack rebuts, “it is a business thing and we should keep it that way. That’s what it is.”  Emma asks,  “Why, to make sure ‘feelings’ don’t develop or something? I saw your googly eyes at Izzy last night.”
Jack gets very defensive and starts explaining his eye state was because he was high not making googly eyes.  Emma doesn’t buy it and pushes the issue until Jack is clearly done.  Then she asks, So who goes first? A few things back and forth then Emma declares, ” I will go first”.  Jack, WHY do you get to go first?’  Emma, ” Ladies first thats why”.  Jack,  WAIT WHAt,  that means Ill never go first (well once out of 3 but…) there are 2 ladies. How is that fair!???”   And then just like that, Emma slips off her shoe and reaches her foot across under the table and begins to give Jack a foot job.  Jack is clearly uncomfortable with this and he doth protest a little.  ” What?  Is this how we are going to decide things? ”  Emma Smiles biting her lip, “yep.  So I get to go first?  ”  Jack,  “Why am I so short sided about this? Yes sure.  Stupid Penis!”

Jack walks into work and the Dean is in his chair.  They talk for a few, Dean tells Jack about the vetting process for the job, there may be a drug test, and the Alumni Board will meet with him for a few hours on monday. In the mean time they will be reviewing his record at the school.  Jack is now worried, “We have drug testing?  I didnt know.” Dean, ” I think so cant remember the last time”  Jack, “WHat about will they really check my browser history?  That seems un, un, unAmerican,  or un something”  Dean, “They check everything, but you use incognito mode right?”  Jack “Whats Incognito mode?”

Emma and BFF are shopping for Emma some date clothes. They joke about “lezing her up” (personally I dont like this term or exchange . It comes off insensitive to the lesbian community as if looking a certain way makes one more lesbian.and more desirable.) They find an outfit that they think will be good.

Emma and Jack are back at home, Emma is getting ready for her date with Izzy. Jack has to go to a neighborhood party . Emma is supposed to be going with him but says “You’ll be fine, Ill only be an hour late.”
Izzy at her house getting ready for the date, conversing with her room mate RM “So they get some freaky marriage sex therapy what are you getting out of it?” Izzy, somewhat enthusiastically ” 16 sessions paid up front. SHould I wear these ?” holding up a pair of hideous (imo) pants .  RM without even looking “Nope”

Izzy and Emma meet at a restaurant. There seems to be a wait. Both mention how nervous they are and how neither of them would be able to eat. Izzy has an idea. SHe runs across the street to a store.  Next we see them walking side by side sharing a bottle. As Izzy passesit she says “Hot Damn, thats what it is called”.  Emma takes a swig, “Oh god I just exfoliated my mouth”. A few more steps and they stop stare at each other and kiss Emma pushing Izzy gently into the wall behind her in an embracing long kiss.  It is passionate, more than a fling or a passing kiss in the night …  there are fireworks in this kiss.  They break,  EMma says, “Come on I know a place”  Izzy, “A hotel?”  Emma “Better”

Meanwhile, Jack is stuck in suburban hell party with all his neighbors playing stupid games he doesn’t even want to play Frustrated with his neighbor who cant guess Marilyn Monroe, he throws in the towel…  His neighbor ask, “What is it with you tonight, You have been checking your watch like every two seconds”…. “It’s Emma, she is out with a colleague and should have been here by now.”   UH OH somebody broke their word and Jack is now freaking out with a million things in his head about what could be happening (how do I know, cause I’ve been there done that got the scars, and the t-shirt to cover them up with.  Also this show how culturally we are conditioned to NOT be truthful about our ethical nonmonogamous relationships with our friends and neighbors.  )  A toast is called congratulating one of Jack’s neighbors (the nosey one from last week’s episode) as ta new Alumni Board member of the local private school that…. you guessed it, Jack is going to be interviewed for DEAN!  She come over to the punch bowl and asks Jack “So how much ass kissing can you do in 3 days?”  More wine ma’dam? …..

Izzy and Emma are meanwhile making out whispering sweet nothings to each other and getting pretty hot and heavy on a roof top over looking a part of town.  I have to say, I’ve never done rooftop sex,  but it is on my list.   As they are gently kissing exploring , striping down their clothes, its apparent that this is going to be more than snuggles and comfort.  Then one of the sweetest things I have ever heard was said.  Izzy” That freckle on your cheek is one of my favorite things about you. ”  Emma,  “I hated it. As a kid I would try to scratch it off.”  Izzy,  “Thats stupid, dont scratch it off.”  Emma “Ok, I won’t”  These words were with such a tenderness and kindness, that you could tell there were genuine feelings behind them.  I’m a little teary eyed now thinking about it. It was really sweet.  Then this… “Opps, I think we just broke the no penetration rule”.   UM…… Ok so now we are late, and broke the rule…..

Jack lying in bed, awake,hours after the party,  snuggling the dog hears the door knob, pretends to be asleep even starts to fake snore.  Emma comes in noticings him faking it and calls him on it.  He starts to initiate sex, but Emma says, ” Oh baby I can’t. If I cum one more time, I think Ill shrivel up”
Jack is WIDE AWAKE now and you can see the hurt and the pain in his face.    “What? WHat do you mean?  how many orgasams?  I thought we agreed?”  ALl the fears he had earlier were coming true….   Emma ” I took her to the roof. ”  Jack “What roof? OUR ROOF?!  How could you that’s our spot we… ” He rolls over and is obviously mad, hurt, envious and jealousy.  Emma trying hard to console him says, ” Are you going to sleep like this?  ANgry?”  Jack responds “Yes angry” She then says, “MAybe a little jealousy is good for both of us?”  Jack says, almost like a kid who didnt get to play with his toy, ” When its my turn Im going to cum like a million times.” Emma laughs “a million huh? Oh really ? WHere?” Jack, ” On every rooftop in the city.” He cant hold back the laughter and they rool together and hug.

Izzy at home, alone, in her bed, staring at a picture of Emma that she took on her phone, smiles softly.  Then, reaches into her waistband and starts to masturbate to the photograph, and the memory.  Her room mate barges in without knocking to ask something then stops ” What are you doing?!”  Izzy “uh… Sleeping”  RM  “Like HELL” Walks over sees the phone and takes it from Izzy…. “Oh my”…….

Roll credits.

So a couple things I want to point out that this episode highlighted.

1 Couple Privilege (Already discussed)
1a Unicorn Hunting.   Ok…  So, part of what is happening is that Izzy has been unicorned.  She is the Perfect fit for this couple and the perfect HBB (Hot bi babe) that can fill the void in this married couple.  Unicorn hunting is highly frowned upon in many poly communities because it promotes couple privilege and objectifies the third person in the relationship.
2 The conversation about Izzy’s wants, needs, and expectations still was not had on camera.  Emma’s remorse was not fully detailed to Izzy.  I hope a bigger conversation about this is coming.
3 Emma and Jack at the end having laughter is good,  but they need to have the conversation about where that jealousy is coming from. Jealousy can be a good thing, if managed properly, discussed and dealt with accordingly.  But it can also be destructive and unpredictable.  I have the feeling that they will have this conversation,  WHat, why, and how to prevent it in the future….
Personally I think the jealousy isnt jealousy at all but rather Envy….  He isnt mad that Emma got something,  He feels that he was left out and didnt get something.  He went to the party, did all the things he said he would, but didnt have the fun and exciting time that Emma had.   That is Eny
4 Emma and Izzy are in heavy NRE.  and they are making very common mistakes of NRE.   Check out my write up on NRE .
5 Emma, fessed up and told the truth about what happened.  Im here to tell you that is never easy.  But it is a requirement in relationships.  Especially in polyamorous ones where you agree to things, and then break that agreement.  Honesty is one of the cornerstones of healthy relationships.  Honesty is where trust is built.

Again I think the show is doing a really good job of telling the story in a very realistic way. Given the characters.
Is this the ONE AND True way to Polyamory?  No because such a way doesn’t exist…
Is this ONE way to polyamory?  Yes, and it is a common way for married people .  (Minus the escort part I think that is less common.)
Keep watching Tuesdays at 9pm. See you there!
Check out the behind the scenes Script to Screen video and background ideas here!

If you are looking for more information on Polyamory, Nonmonogamy or looking to find a community near you, Please send me a message.  I’d be happy to answer any questions.

 

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