Episode 4 of YouMeHer, Check a Box was another good one. Really insightful into what happens to Poly people when their mono friends find out that they are having relationships beyond the “approved societal standards” . All 3 characters end up in conversations with their friends and neighbors about how “this” is going to ruin the marriage, or in the case of Izzy, end up with”someone getting hurt, most likely you (Izzy)”.
The episode opens with Jack and Emma having some pretty incredible sex. They actually talk about what is and isn’t working, what positions feel the best and not so good. Really good sex positive example. Then Emma asks, “What got into you? We were damn Sexy!” Then asks, “What if it is all Izzy?” Jack replies, “It’s not all Izzy, its us.”
Jack’s neighbor Dave, (Ennis Esmer) who has NEVER once asked Jack to do anything on a personal level, asks Jack to meet him for coffee.They have an exchange of … awkward hints at the subject while walking down a path.
Jack breaks it with, “You do know, I know you know , right?” The tension eases as he relaxes . Jack asks “What are we doing? We don’t do coffee. What is this?? You have never once asked me to coffee…. not once ever…. ” Dave, ” I think you are a fucking moron!” , Jack “What do you mean? We are all consenting adults what so wrong with it?” Dave, ” You just back from burning man? WHat is this how you talk now? You are all enlightened now and so much better than us monogamous people. Like we are stumbling around Mono-Zombies searching for brainz ‘One Brain'” Jack says, “Are you jealous? You sound a little jealous there.” To which Dave’s reply, “not at all? WHy would I be jealous of you… I’ve slept with 2 women before big fucking deal. Yes ok I am a little Jealous of you. How does it work? ….” Dave starts asking a lot of questions that in all honesty, aren’t his business, but he wants to know things like “2 in one day? Do you wash your balls in between? ” . (NOTE: This is usually where I will stop a person and say, ” Only ask questions you really want the answers to. I will be completely honest with you, but you may not like the answer you get.” )
Jack goes on to explain he hasn’t really gotten a good grasp on what exactly they are doing and they don’t really have a firm understanding of the ground rules. “We have, like, a no penetration rule”. And Dave asks, “No Penis or no Penetration.. cause if it’s no penis, they can still have sex.” The conversation turns Dave says, “Look I’m not supposed to say this,but Carmen (Dave’s wife/Emma’s bff) thinks Emma is smitten by your new friend. What about you Jack, Are you smitten?”
Calling Jack out and asking him to evaluate his true feelings . Also, this calls out the double standard that is in a lot of poly relationships where on side of a couple gets to have a particular type of activity but it is off-limits for the other. Typically you will hear this referred to as a One Pens Policy, or OPP>, mostly when the woman of the couple wants to date/sex with other men.
Nina and Izzy on a bench. Snacking Izzy is obviously buzzing with energy. The conversation starts about raisins but quickly changes, when Izzy blows off a regular in favor of waiting for a call from Jack or Emma. Whom Nina (Izzy’s roommate) affectionately nicknames “The Griswold’s” . Izzy tells Nina about having a date with Emma last night, they went to the rooftop… etc. Nina’ Wait what? That’s not a session, that’s a fucking lesbian romance novel. ” Izzy’s response is perfect…. “So letting a guy lick my dirty sticky hands is ok but, having a toss and tumble is just inexplicable… ” “You are falling for a married woman..” Nina replies with tone of judgement. They go back and forth about the situation and then Nina drops this bombshell…. ” WHat do you think is going to happen here? Give me 2 seconds of lucidity here and tell me how this ends without someone getting seriously hurt… Most likely you”. Izzy says, “Well, you ruined my morning so , thank you” and walks away.
HERE again we have a mono person applying mono standards to a non mono relationship.
Next Jack lies to one of his students about who Izzy is. There is a phone call with Emma explaining what happened.
Next Izzy surprises Andy outside his classroom building and asks him to lunch. Andy is cold in response.. Not flat-out denying but , not accepting either. Izzy tells him “I like you I don’t know how else to say it” Andy says, “Maybe you could give Nina a note with boxes to check. .. ” His tone is condescending and he is obviously not happy at all with how she left the situation last time. Izzy asks him for 1 hour, just a slice of pizza… Andy replies, “I guess you will see” and walks away.
Nina and Emma are walking and Nina asks, “Can I talk real with you for a second?” Emma says, “It’s so sweet that you act as if I have a choice.” Nina continues, “If you continue with this stupid shit, you are going to wake up years from now alone and ask, ‘Where did my awesome Life go?’ .” a few more exchanges about “being married” and questioning Emma as to who she really is and Emma caves, ” Nina, I don’t know what to do tell me ” Nina proceeds to instruct Emma to call Izzy and end the relationship” and warns Emma, “Don’t try to run I will catch you” . Emma starts to dial the number, then Bolts away past Nina.
Izzy is laying on her couch, watching T.v. Talking to the episode when there is a knock on the door. In her bra and sweatpants she goes to see who it is. Through the peephole she sees a nervous looking Jack and shrieks, “Ack” Jack, “Were you seriously just watching me through the peephole?” Izzy, “You can’t just drop by!” Jack, “Well, you ‘Just dropped by” my place like 36 hours ago so.. I think… Can you just open the door please? ” She freaks out and starts grabbing clothes and moving things around. “Just a min… I’m …. um… not dressed” Jack, Its like 1230 how can you not be dressed? ” Izzy opens door , ” I was dressed, now I’m not, soon I will be again.. Do you have a problem with that? ” A pleasant exchange of Jack judging Izzy’s apartment. gently but still.. She offers him some espresso.. he accepts, she laughs , ” Really you think Id have an espresso machine? ” Kind of throwing back at him the fact that they are in very different socioeconomic classes and he should remember that. She asks he reason for coming by .. Jack says it’s all be cause he and Emma had a discussion that morning and they wont be needing her “services” any longer. That they have “achieved he desired effect” … Izzy sees right through it… calls him on his “Bullshit” . “How so ?” Jack asks…”Well, part of it is you are acting really weird. and the other is part of it is total bull shit.”
“WHich part?” Jack asks confused…. “The Emma part” Izzy responds. Jack, trying to play it off that he is a horrible liar, ” What’s that? ..The Emma part, I don’t even know what that means?” Izzy grabs her phone and starts scrolling through contacts… Jack, ” WHat are you doing?” Izzy” Oh I’m just gonna give Emma a call and confirm this.” After a few seconds Jack comes clean.
“Ok ok fine its me. I’m the one . It’s over, I am terminating the relationship. Please do not call my wife again. And do not answer any messages from her. ” Jack. (OK NOTE TIME.. This is very common when a person in a long-term relationship is feeling threatened by the bond the new person is having with one of their partners. It is completely and totally accurate. this really happens. This is couple privilege, executed by one member of a couple without the knowledge or agreeance of the other… It happens ALL the time… WHat doesn’t happen as often and really should, is this next part. )
Izzy sports a salute and says, “Oh says the misogynistic dick face. I am going to consider this evenings appointment cancelled and what ever the rest of us consenting adults decide to do is up to us.” (YAY IZZY STANDING UP FOR HERSELF And her Relationship with EMMA! I really hope that people see this for what it is… Izzy being true to self and standing up for what she cares about.)
Jack responds by saying…. ” I’m the only one being an adult here… ” ” Oh really you are being an adult? Let me ask you a question.” Izzy steps in closer, ” How long after we terminate the agreement before you call me on your own? Hmmm? ” Jack, “Not going to”. Izzy,confident and sure of herself, “Wanna make a bet? I guess 2 weeks.” Jack shakes on it and agrees, as he looks at Izzy, he smiles and says, ” Don’t .. don’t do that.” Izzy, ” Do what? “…. ” Think you’re irresistible.”, Jack says.. Izzy coyly responds “Don’t you?” and It’s on!
Jack and Izzy fall into each other, and the furniture making out madly as if 2 teenagers in the midst of puberty were just told it was ok to have sex. Wildly they kiss and strip clothes off of each other, a lamp falls and breaks… they land on a bean bag chair,Jack asks, “does this count as a date? ” “No no god no.” Izzy on top… Passionately kissing groping….. the door opens, (remember kids ALWAYS LOCK THE DOOR ) Nina walks in “WHAT THE FUCK! are you fucking kidding me? My grandma’s antique lamp? Izzy what the fuck” Izzy, ” I’m sorry Nina, I’ll have that fixed.” “Damn right you will, WHo the fuck is that? Is he a client? He better not be a client because you know that is rule number 1 never bring a client home. OH holy shit, That’s Clark Griswold isn’t it!” Jack tries to explain who Clark Griswold is and is shut down. Izzy, “Yes it is him” Nina ” Ok so now I’m going to ask, Is he a client, or is he something else? ” Awkward silence, Izzy looks at Jack… Jack Shrugs…
What a fun sexy episode with more real life stuff! There are a lot of real situations in this. I wish I knew, Did the creator follow poly people, or are the creators poly themselves, perhaps at one time were? It is all very close to home and real.
Nonetheless, great job.
Now I know my words alone aren’t enough to fully explain what happened. and a LOT is lost not having the visual cues.
GREAT NEWS! You me Her is now streaming on Direct Tv website. GO HERE to watch full episodes!
See you Tuesdays at 9PM channel 239 on Direct tv.
Have questions about how to manage any of these situations, leave me a comment or drop me aline via my contact page.