Finally I want to close with a word of advice for those who may be looking at going to classes…. If you haven’t ever heard of the person presenting , do your homework on them. Look them up on the web, ask other poly people if they have heard of them. There are more and more people getting into teaching classes as ” experts” Im not an Expert on polyamory. Dont claim to be. People have called me one, but I am not. An expert is someone who knows everything about a particular topic/subject. I dont believe such a thing can exist in polyamory. There are too many styles of relationships.
Had a few thoughts today on Polyamory leadership, teaching, and the way educators are viewed by those who they teach. As well as a nugget of thought I have been mulling around. And this probably applies to many areas of instruction, however, since I am a poly educator, I will stick to my own yard.
1> Poly educators have it all figured out and don’t make mistakes.They have perfect poly lives. And all the answers.
In reality, We make as many mistakes as others or already have made the mistakes we are teaching about. We teach the lessons we learned to hopefully give others the foresight to avoid it or at least see it coming and how to navigate through it. We aren’t Preventative Maintenance technicians.
2> Poly leaders / educators are sometimes seen as “Great wise people on the mountain”.
In reality, we are normal folks, we have not been gifted this great knowledge from on high. Most, if not all, of what we know we lived. We screwed up, and we learned from it. Knowledge is knowing what you did, Wisdom is not repeating the mistake. Some of us have a greater desire to learn new and challenging concepts. Others just wing it. Some of us read all the books as they come out, others of us just try to live our live as authentically as we can. There are many guides to poly/ non-monogamy, but there is no one true way to get it right. But there are lots of really easy ways to screw it up.
3 Poly problems = (typically) People Problems. Many times I hear people say… ” Poly didnt work out for me because I/they was/were too jealous”
Here’s the deal, If a person has people problems, (Here is the really important part) AND THEY DONT ACKNOWLEDGE AND WORK ON BEING A BETTER PERSON> they will have a much harder time in not only Poly relationships, but also mono and non romantic relationships in general.
My poly life got better when I addressed the issues I was facing internally.