Last week was a rough one for me. With the whole V day celebrations galore on social media. I am not a big “Let’s celebrate the romanticization of religious persecution and intolerance” person. But after 20 years of giving gifts to a person and receiving something in return as a token of attachment, care, and love…not having that really hurt. I didn’t even realize it until about Thursday.
So, she and I talked about it and decided that we each still wanted to honor each other and our shared experience by doing something. She offered, coffee and gifts on the Saturday following Valentine’s. This sounded like a good idea to me and I agreed. Well, it turned into breakfast at WH, running a few errands, and spending some time together, as friends.
At breakfast she pulled out a big red bag, and handed it to me. It was full of chocolates with corny, hokey, dad jokes on the boxes . (If you don’t know me, I never pass on a good dad joke, they just seem to happen.) And a stuffed animal. It was a really soft fox and it had a box on it that was also full of chocolates it read, “You are one Smart Fox”. This she said was to acknowledge my intelligence, which I never seem to give myself credit for.
I hadn’t gotten her gift yet. The week was very busy and while I had planned to do it… the chance never came up. SO.. We went to the store to grab a few other things and that was my chance! Off to the Valentine’s clearance aisle. (Because I am a cheap ass, and half price chocolates exist) I searched and searched until I found it. A floppy armed and legged , blue monkey. Grabbed a couple other little things and her favorite cookie, Double stuffed Oreos. Now gotta find the perfect bag… It was almost like shopping for a new partner… I had to put real thought (OMG no way!!!) into what she would think was fun, and what she may like. In contrast to the years of, following the script of roses and chocolates, this was a welcomed feeling, and also kinda scary. I found a rainbow unicorn bag…”that’s the one”, I thought.. And grabbed it.
About that time my phone rang… She was calling me to ask if I was ready to go. I answered, ” You are 2 aisles over aren’t you?” (SHe could hear my ringer) She asked. “Yep. You ready? ” I replied. “Yea, are you?” She asked… “Almost…. I will meet you at the checkout.” I got in line and turned around… she was standing 2 people behind me… and we started joking….
“Don’t look.. you can’t see this pile of stuff that isn’t for you” I joked . (Granted there were no other lines open so it wasn’t like she was trying to spy her gift.) “Fine then I’ll stare this way” She snarked. She always had a good snark.
I checked out and we headed home. I gave her her bag and she was ecstatic. She really appreciated everything I had gotten her. We hugged and thanked each other for the time we each offered to share and we went about our days doing things with our other partners. For those few hours we had intentionally chosen to spend together , it was a good time.
I still have a deep level of connection to her. And, after this experience, I feel that she does to me…I hope this was the first of many healing interactions we will have that can lead us to a renewed friendship.
Healing takes time. Thanks for being a part of my day.